How Worship Broke Through the Silence and Brought Me Back to Life

There’s a kind of pain that makes you go numb—not because you want to, but because it feels safer not to feel anything at all. I lived there once, in the silence of a wounded heart. I had learned how to smile on the outside, but inside, everything felt frozen. Detached. Hard. Guarded.

But God, in His mercy, didn’t leave me there.
He used something powerful and unexpected to break through the numbness: worship.

Music has always been part of my story. It was the bond I shared with my father in my earliest years, and even after my heart had been shattered by trauma, music remained—like a thread running quietly beneath the surface of my soul. But it wasn’t until I truly encountered Jesus that I understood just how healing that thread could be.

Worship didn’t just fill the room—it plowed up the hardened soil of my heart.
Every lyric was like a gentle hand tilling the earth.
Every melody broke through layers of pain I didn’t even know were still buried.
The presence of God would come in through a song, and suddenly, I could feel again.

Where numbness once reigned, tears began to flow.
Where silence had ruled, praise began to rise.
Where the soil was once dry and cracked, the Spirit of God rained down and made it fertile again.

Worship gave me permission to cry.
To hope.
To breathe.
To be alive again.

It didn’t happen in a single service—it was a slow and holy unfolding. Week after week, as I led worship and sat under the weight of His glory, God was healing my heart. Worship wasn’t just something I did—it became a place I lived. A secret place where God would speak, restore, and gently remind me of who I truly was.

Today, I can confidently say that worship shaped me.
It softened me.
It taught me to feel again—not just pain, but joy. Not just sorrow, but hope.

The woman I am today—the worship leader, the teacher, the mentor, the mother, the wife—was formed in the soil of worship. And it all began when I allowed music to become more than a sound… I let it become the sound of my healing.

If your heart feels hard or numb, don’t be afraid. Worship is a safe place.
It’s not about performing—it’s about being.
Bring your brokenness. Bring your silence. Bring your questions.
And just sing. Even if it’s just a whisper.
Because in the presence of Jesus… even the hardest heart can beat again.

With a heart healed by worship,
Janet Swanson